TIMELESS REFLECTIONS BY ZOEY

There’s a war raging inside me, a battle between what I know deep down and the lies I tell myself every day. I’m in love, deeply, desperately in love, and yet I’ve convinced myself that I want nothing to do with it. It’s as if I’ve built a wall around my heart, thinking that if I keep telling myself I don’t want this love, I’ll somehow be safe from the pain of not having it. But the truth is, my subconscious knows better. It whispers the truth in the quiet moments, when I’m alone with my thoughts. It tells me that I’m lying to myself, that this love is all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed.

And yet, I resist. I push it away, convincing myself that I’m better off without it. I tell myself that I don’t need love, that I’m fine on my own. But it’s a lie, one that’s slowly eating away at me. I crave this love, I long for it in a way that words can’t fully capture. It’s a yearning that lives deep within me, a desire that I can’t shake no matter how hard I try. 

I love my love, but I know I’ll never have it truly. I might get close, I might even hold it in my hands for a fleeting moment, but it will never be mine, not completely. And the thought terrifies me. There will come a time when I might get what I’ve been yearning for, but by then, will I even be the same person? Will I still be me, or will the battle within have changed me so much that I won’t recognize myself anymore?

It’s a strange feeling, knowing that you might achieve what you’ve always wanted, but not knowing if you’ll be able to enjoy it, or if you’ll even be the same person by then. I wonder who I’ll be in the next ten years. Will I still be the person I am now, or will this battle inside me turn me into someone else entirely?

The uncertainty is terrifying. I don’t know who will win this battle—will it be the part of me that craves love, that knows it’s what I need, or the part of me that’s convinced itself I don’t want it? All I know is that the war is ongoing, and I’m not sure who I’ll be when it’s over.

In the end, perhaps the greatest struggle is not in finding love or holding onto it, but in navigating the battlefield of my own mind, where my desires and fears wage war against each other. Will I come out of this stronger, more resilient, or will I lose myself in the process? Only time will tell, but for now, I keep fighting, hoping that one day I’ll find peace amidst the chaos within.

“When the heart and mind are at odds, the battle is not just for love, but for the soul itself.”- TIMELESS REFLECTIONS  BY ZOEY.