TIMELESS REFLECTIONS BY ZOEY

I recently went on a trip to a holy place, a setting meant to inspire peace, compassion, and connection. Many people visit such places to escape daily stress and embrace a space free from anger or negativity. Ironically, I found myself experiencing a surge in anxiety, which then spiraled into irritation and frustration. I had been making solid progress with my mental health, finding calm and stability, and my meds had been working well. But the disruptions to my routine—sleeping less, missing meals, and skipping my medications—had me unraveling.

At the time, I didn’t fully realize the toll these changes were taking. My mind was on edge, and even small triggers set off disproportionate responses. One incident, in particular, stands out: I ordered a juice, specifying exactly what I wanted. When it arrived, it was completely different—wrong flavor, size, and even ice when I had asked for none. I tried to remain calm, but eventually, my frustration boiled over, and I vented my feelings to myself, muttering in frustration. I noticed my partner overheard me, his expression showing disappointment rather than anger. That quiet disapproval hurt more than if he had openly scolded me.

Reflecting on that moment now, I realize that my lashing out was not just about the wrong order—it was the culmination of days spent disconnected from my needs. I wasn’t eating or sleeping as I should, nor taking my meds. And while it’s true I have an anxiety disorder, I also feel a responsibility to manage it. My actions—my tense body language, my sharp tone—affected my partner and likely others around me, casting a shadow over what should have been a peaceful journey.

Recognizing Support and Quiet Strength

Through all of this, my partner’s response was a kind of silent strength. He absorbed my negativity without responding in kind, without shaming or escalating my outbursts. It’s easy to feel ashamed for affecting the ones we love, especially when our behavior isn’t directed at them directly but inevitably impacts their mood and experience. Looking back, I’m grateful for his restraint, and for the patience he showed me by not adding fuel to my already agitated state. In a way, his quiet tolerance taught me something about patience and the strength of remaining calm in the face of frustration.

 Lessons Learned: 

How to Prepare for Situations that Disrupt Routine

Reflecting on this trip has given me valuable insights. I can’t erase the past, but I can learn from it and make efforts to prepare better next time. Here are some takeaways that I hope will help both me and others:

1. Prioritize Medications and Self-Care Essentials

 When traveling or going through any significant routine change, pack your medications in a separate, accessible bag and set reminders to stay on track. Staying mindful of meds is one of the first steps in maintaining stability, especially in unfamiliar settings.

2. Have Quick, Easy Food Options Available

Hunger can amplify stress and irritability, especially when managing anxiety. Carrying snacks or ready-to-eat items can help you keep your blood sugar steady, which can improve mood and resilience. This is something I learned the hard way.

3. Build in Moments of Solitude or Quiet Reflection

   Visiting spiritual places or holy temples can be overwhelming for those managing mental health. Make time to step aside, breathe deeply, and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel out of sorts. You’re on your journey, even in the midst of spiritual or calming environments.

4. Practice Self-Compassion and Patience with Progress

 It’s easy to fall into self-blame after setbacks, but growth isn’t a straight line. Mistakes or moments of anger don’t erase progress—they reveal where we need to focus next. Reflecting on what triggered me, and why, has actually been an essential part of my journey.

 Healing and Moving Forward

Looking back, I feel the shame and guilt of my actions on the trip, of moments when I let frustration take control. But I also know that my actions weren’t entirely my fault. Mental health challenges are part of my life, and while they don’t excuse negative behavior, they remind me to be compassionate with myself. I’m still learning, making mistakes, and striving to do better.

It’s true that when we hurt someone, whether indirectly or unintentionally, regaining their trust can be challenging. However, I hope that by recognizing my mistakes, I can show my loved ones that I am committed to this journey of healing—not just for myself but for them as well.

What about you? Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty after a setback or struggling to manage anxiety while trying to be at peace? Let me know your thoughts—I’d love to hear about others’ experiences on this journey.